All the swears. I’ve warned you. ALL the swears.

It’s been an interesting few days over the weekend/Friday. There’s been the frogging of all the knitted items and garments and cast-ons. There have been cast-ons after cast-ons. I’ve put the wrong size needle tips on (seriously, what the actual f*ck!) and managed to get 4 rows into a 200+ cast-on stitches sized blanket starter and realised it just isn’t going to work. Shitting hell.

I’ve ripped out and started the blanket pattern over eight times. EIGHT. OCHO. Fecking HUIT! It’s all resulted in all the swears. I mean , so many swears.

#Newbieknitter pattern goes thusly : Knit one, slip slip knit together, knit 1 fuck bugger bollocks shit! *rips out stitches, mistakenly rips out the cast-on stitches* Shit bugger feck WANKER “I hate knitting why am I doing this?” and cast-on again. Try a different cast-on.  Start row 1 of the pattern, knit one, ssk, knit a few…this is going ok….BUGGERATIONS! when dropping a cast-on stitch then not sure if it’s sorted ok. Ad nauseam. Or swearingIam. Or both. FFS!

HOWever. One of my kids overheard me say “I’m going to attempt this one more time then just bloody well give up”. The response of “Mummy, why are you giving up?” and I had no real response. Feeling slightly chastised at the look on his defiant , stubborn , grubby (he’d been using varnish on a cardboard boat. I shit you not. Varnish. And had washed the brush out – good lad!- in the sink with the dishes – not fucking on) face and retorted “well of course I’m not just going to give up knitting. I’m frustrated but I won’t give up”. If I didn’t have kids? ON THE FIRE YOU GO! and I’ve had picked up a crochet pattern instead. Incidentally, had I done so, this blanket would be finished by now. True story.

But the newbie knitter in us all has to learn to Persevere. (Piss off, Persevere, you’re done). I threw my hands up in the air in despair last night after frogging it back 3 times alone, had a Pimm’s (there you go, Persevere, screw-you, I’m having Gin in my Pimm’s, too!) and promised I would Try Again Tomorrow. (TAT) Hakuna my ta-tas, I’m having a gin.

I write from the cicada-filled air of Monday evening, and behold! I am now on the move with this pattern.


                                   As A Newbie, How I resolved The Issues : 

  • I changed the needles to a 5mm set of Knit Pro Novas instead of getting it wrong. The pattern calls for Aran weight and 7mm. My choice of 5.5mm was just that little too big, and reading the pattern properly (I’m an eejit) I saw that the yarn used was a chainette aran yarn. D’uh. Chainette is naturally more “spongey” and thicker than standard yarn anyway.
  • Read the pattern more carefully and’d the yarn. Look at the yarn in the pattern. Really look at it. Is it a thicker-than-usual weight? Then think about the needle size. Experiment!
  • I did even try the Symphonies of Doom at one point, just to see if I was being unreasonable. Nope. Still not for me. Loathe them)
  • Found my rhythm in my pattern. A lovely, knitting-genius, beautiful wonderous (ok, enough already)  friend suggested I added stitch markers to the chevrons I intended on making into a blanket, and man alive, I’ve cracked it. A stitch marker at the end of every pattern repeat and wow, huge difference

Thank you, Vez at Truly Hooked,   I do luff you so much for making my life easier. And for being awake at the ungodly hour of the morning in the UK to be able to go “MAAAAAAAAAAATE!” at. I’m just sorry you were up so early due to kidlets, both earth-side and inside 😉

The improved and wonderous pattern I’m using is here  on a beautiful knitting blog called Espace Tricot. I mean it. It is WONDERFUL! Go check out their patterns, their FREE  (such generosity deserves virtual in-ya-face cuddles) and easy-to-follow patterns. Admire the beauty of the photographs and don’t let any detail put you off. I’m following, Ravelry-ing and generally internet-stalking this page now. Terrific stuff.


We won’t talk about the previous patterns that I attempted. Turned out, after a lot more swears, one of them didn’t add up correctly and for once it wasn’t my head not working. Hours of rage towards said pattern. I won’t share that, though. Wouldn’t be kind. I did rage, though. Lots.




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